My last post was a month ago, one week before Frances came off life support. So much has happened in the last month, and I’m going to get you caught up.
The last week of Frances’s life was hard for me. It was hard to believe that time was ticking down quicker and quicker. In the back of my mind I knew it was her last Tuesday, last Wednesday, last Thursday… But it didn’t really sink in until her last Friday. Since she came home from the hospital with the ventilator, Friday was one of the 2 shower days she had each week. As I stood in the kitchen cutting the Ziploc bag we placed over her PICC line to keep it dry, it hit me. Today was the last time that Frances would have a shower. I realized that the end of her time in this world was coming and it was here faster than I thought it would ever get here. I stood in the kitchen and cried into Scott’s shoulder.
The weekend went too quickly after that, and before I knew it, it was Tuesday. I was able to spend several minutes in her room as she read me the letter she had written to me. She also gave me 2 beautiful pairs of her earrings and a necklace. I was able to tell her again how much I loved her, and said goodbye.
I waited in the living room with the rest of the family as she said her personal goodbyes to everyone. I was sitting on the couch leaning on Ann’s shoulder as we waited for Scott to get the nurse to start the medicines to help Frances go to sleep. During that time, I fell asleep since I hadn’t slept well the night before.
As soon as I fell asleep, I was dreaming. I was in a room I had never been in before, sitting on a couch, just waiting. The door opened, and in walked Frances and Scott, holding hands. Together, they sat on the couch across from me. And Frances spoke to me. She kept repeating “It’s alright, I’m okay. Let me go now. I’m happy now.” I woke up and instantly felt a feeling of peace. I knew Frances would be okay. She was on her way to Jesus to worship him in her new and perfect body, able to walk and talk again.
At 12:23pm, Frances went home with her Savior.
After Frances died, time went like a whirlwind. Scott was getting ready to leave for a 2 week camping trip. Aunt Betty was getting ready to take her motor home back to her house. I was getting ready for my trip to Arizona and California. The house was eerily quiet, especially at night. I used to be able to hear the sound of Frances’s breathing from the living room. The first couple of nights I found myself straining to hear something that was no longer there. It was odd for both Scott and I to be away from the house at the same time, something we hadn’t been able to do in 5 months.
It’s been a month and I’m still grieving a little, deep down inside. There are things that remind me of Frances and I start to tear up and cry. I still try to listen for the sound of her breathing or her alarm late at night.
In a couple of weeks I will be starting a new season of my life. I will be moving from Scott and Frances’s house to live with Aunt Betty (Frances’s mom) and go to school. It seems odd to me that this Arizona girl is planning on staying in Oregon. I’m slowly making the transition…I now have an Oregon driver’s license in my wallet instead of an Arizona one. Before long, my car will have Oregon plates on it. However, I’m not planning on giving up the GPS anytime soon. Someday, I hope, my sense of direction will be better and I’ll be able to drive in Portland without getting lost.
And I know I’ll be an Oregon girl when I can parallel park…
