I cried tonight while I washed off my makeup and took out my contacts.
I watched myself in the mirror and saw the 2 different faces of me. There was the before...and the after. The Jenny who could be confident and sure of herself...and the Jenny who doubts what she says and agonizes over things she has done, wondering if they were done right.
One of my biggest failings is that I have very little confidence in myself. I can't remember a time that I ever had a positive image of myself. I'm sure some of you are reading this wondering where this is coming from. The information above doesn't match with the person you've met and talked to. But the truth is, this is me, hiding, showing the world a facade. And it hurts inside to reveal the person beneath like this, but I'm hurting more from trying to hide it. I don't have the energy to keep showing the world who I wish I was.
Maybe I can figure out who the real Jenny is.
Monday, April 11, 2011
Tuesday, April 5, 2011
Life's little curveballs
Rain, rain, go away. It has rained pretty much non-stop since I got home from California a week ago. I feel like I'm going to float away.
Have you ever gone on vacation and prayed nothing will happen to your house, car, etc? I didn't when I left for spring break. I was confident nothing would happen to my car while it was parked at Chuck and Molly's house. So it surprised me to find a huge puddle of water in the passenger side foot well a couple of days after coming home. I borrowed the wet/dry vac and tried to dry it the best I could. It rained some more and there was another puddle in my car the next day. Scott thinks it might be my windshield leaking, which means it is time for a new windshield. Strike 1.
Monday while running errands, I realized one of my passenger side tires was extremely low on air. I've known that it has been having trouble holding air but since I don't ride on the passenger side of my car, I keep forgetting to check it. I don't know how long I've been driving with it low on air so I'm going to need a new tire and someone to stay with Frances so I can take it in. Strike 2.
For the last few weeks, I've been having problems with my computer. Now those problems have escalated to it locking up on me if I try to do anything or let it sit for too long. I can't back up my hard drive or run a virus scan because is freezes. I need to take it in to Best Buy and hope it is still under warranty/Geek Squad protection plan. Either way, I'll probably have to pay to have it fixed, or buy a new one. (Thank you Scott for letting me use yours.) Strike 3. I'm out.
So this first week back home has been a hard one to say the least. I need your prayers for help in dealing with the above problems and me as I try to figure out what to do about health insurance, (I have none.) and my car registration (AZ vs. OR?). And we can always use prayers for Scott, Frances, and the girls, as well as the other family and friends that take time out of their busy lives to help give us rest. I'm grateful as I know Scott and I couldn't stay sane without you.
Have you ever gone on vacation and prayed nothing will happen to your house, car, etc? I didn't when I left for spring break. I was confident nothing would happen to my car while it was parked at Chuck and Molly's house. So it surprised me to find a huge puddle of water in the passenger side foot well a couple of days after coming home. I borrowed the wet/dry vac and tried to dry it the best I could. It rained some more and there was another puddle in my car the next day. Scott thinks it might be my windshield leaking, which means it is time for a new windshield. Strike 1.
Monday while running errands, I realized one of my passenger side tires was extremely low on air. I've known that it has been having trouble holding air but since I don't ride on the passenger side of my car, I keep forgetting to check it. I don't know how long I've been driving with it low on air so I'm going to need a new tire and someone to stay with Frances so I can take it in. Strike 2.
For the last few weeks, I've been having problems with my computer. Now those problems have escalated to it locking up on me if I try to do anything or let it sit for too long. I can't back up my hard drive or run a virus scan because is freezes. I need to take it in to Best Buy and hope it is still under warranty/Geek Squad protection plan. Either way, I'll probably have to pay to have it fixed, or buy a new one. (Thank you Scott for letting me use yours.) Strike 3. I'm out.
So this first week back home has been a hard one to say the least. I need your prayers for help in dealing with the above problems and me as I try to figure out what to do about health insurance, (I have none.) and my car registration (AZ vs. OR?). And we can always use prayers for Scott, Frances, and the girls, as well as the other family and friends that take time out of their busy lives to help give us rest. I'm grateful as I know Scott and I couldn't stay sane without you.
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