I’m going to start this post off with a disclaimer. This post may upset you. And if it does, I apologize.
I was so excited about going to church today. I was going to go to the church where I spent 5 years at after I moved back to Phoenix from New Mexico. The church where I made so many friends, worked with the children, sang in the choir, became family.
Several hours after church is over and I’m home, I realize I have names for what I’m feeling. I’m feeling disappointment tinged with sadness and a realization of what I don’t want to be like.
I could not believe how many people told me it was good to see me, how was I doing, I had been missed…but, oh, where have you been for the last year, last 2 years? I could not believe how many people did not know that I had moved to Oregon. Some of these people had seen me in August when I visited and asked the exact same questions.
At one time I considered a lot of these same people friends and mentors. And now I don’t know what to call them.
But I’ve come to a realization that I don’t want to be like that. I don’t want to be the person who says that you are my friend, but I don’t call or write or message or try to keep in touch. This is my resolution.
And as for the church? Well, you as a church and a congregation will be in my prayers. It appears the reasons why I left this church 3 years ago are still there. While I did see many new faces today, how many faces have been lost to other churches?
I’m planning on visiting the church again for the New Year’s Day service as I told several people I would be there. But I won’t have the same excited, expectant feeling I had leading up to today’s service.
