I’m going to start this post off with a disclaimer. This post may upset you. And if it does, I apologize.
I was so excited about going to church today. I was going to go to the church where I spent 5 years at after I moved back to Phoenix from New Mexico. The church where I made so many friends, worked with the children, sang in the choir, became family.
Several hours after church is over and I’m home, I realize I have names for what I’m feeling. I’m feeling disappointment tinged with sadness and a realization of what I don’t want to be like.
I could not believe how many people told me it was good to see me, how was I doing, I had been missed…but, oh, where have you been for the last year, last 2 years? I could not believe how many people did not know that I had moved to Oregon. Some of these people had seen me in August when I visited and asked the exact same questions.
At one time I considered a lot of these same people friends and mentors. And now I don’t know what to call them.
But I’ve come to a realization that I don’t want to be like that. I don’t want to be the person who says that you are my friend, but I don’t call or write or message or try to keep in touch. This is my resolution.
And as for the church? Well, you as a church and a congregation will be in my prayers. It appears the reasons why I left this church 3 years ago are still there. While I did see many new faces today, how many faces have been lost to other churches?
I’m planning on visiting the church again for the New Year’s Day service as I told several people I would be there. But I won’t have the same excited, expectant feeling I had leading up to today’s service.
You Can't go home. You forget You have grown and changed. Nothing stands still.
ReplyDeleteOh sorry to hear. Often that's what we've encountered with old church buddies or military buddies and even childhood friends we spent our formative years with. They say you can't go home or it won't be the same but it's even more hurtful when they are believers and treat you as though you weren't really that important in their lives to even remember where you were or look you up in that timeframe! Many of us would love to have a loyal friend like you, those who are just surface acquaintances eventually make themselves known. So sad when you once were so close. I can relate! Good for you resolving to be sensitive to that so others won't have that same scenario with you, I'll join you in that! ((Hugs)) Suz
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